Lacuna
by Ironic-Swag
Summary: Sometimes, when the pain of missing someone gets to be too much, all Pidge wants is to be left alone. But now, she's got people who care about her. She has family - even if it's only temporary.


Lance is yelling, again. Pidge appreciates it, she really does, he keeps everyone's spirits up with genuine laughter, and joy, that seems a precarious thing in this place. But sometimes, when the pain of missing someone gets to be too much, she can't bear to be around someone who seems so impossibly happy.

In some ways, Lance is like a sun. He's warm, providing comfort and joy to everyone around him. But that comes with a cost; sometimes it's too intense, sometimes it hurts and burns. Today is one of these times. Everyone is far too tired to be energetic, everyone except Lance. Everyone is far too exhausted from the most recent battle, some parts of the ship still in disrepair and Lance still seems a little shaky on his feet. His hand is shaking, Pidge notices, but resolves not to comment on it.

Suddenly, Lance's speaking slows to a stop and everyone glances up, confused. Lance is looking at them softly, a little concern drawing his eyebrows to a frown.

"Guys?" He says, echoing a little. "Do you…want me to stop talking?"

Pidge realises. He thinks he's being annoying. She spares a quick glance at everyone else, who seem to have the same realisation. She shakes her head at him, managing a soft smile as much as she can.

"No. Please keep talking, Lance." Shiro requests.

Lance breaks out into a relieved grin, and is clearly preparing to launch into a new anecdote about the hectic chaos of his family.

"And I'm like, sis, you need to get out the bathroom!" Pidge notices Keith smiling fondly, and he sharply looks away when he notices her looking. "I'll be an old man by the time she's out!"

Pidge freezes up. That was… that would be something Matt would say to her. In fact, she was almost certain he had said those exact words to her before. Maybe… maybe when mornings felt normal to them, when the only things they had to worry about was how long she was taking in the shower.

When she wasn't saving the universe on a pretty much daily basis.

 _God,_ she misses Matt. She misses the way he'd throw blankets over her, she misses the way he'd make breakfast, she misses when he'd ruffle her hair, calling her short or tiny or midget… _God_ , she just misses his presence. She misses his comfort.

She missed _home_.

Choking up, she stands up abruptly, mumbling some incoherent excuse about using the bathroom. She's pretty sure they see her watery eyes, however, and see through her flimsy excuse. She ignores Shiro's concerned calling, Lance's confused questions, and practically runs to where she knows Green is.

"Hi, girl." She sniffs, placing a hand on her cold metal exterior. "I was just thinking about Matt…And home, I guess."

With a unique gentleness a huge, metal lion shouldn't be capable of, she leans further into Pidge's hand, in a gesture she assumes means comfort. She chuckles as she wipes her face with her sleeve, pretty sure she's just making her puffy eyes worse than they were.

She's pretty focused on her lion, so it makes sense she doesn't notice her friends behind her until they call her, startling her.

"Guys!" She jumps to wipe her eyes, not wanting this moment of weakness to change their relationship. "I – uh – hi?"

Keith laughs then, a quick embarrassed snort, and it's so Keith-like it makes Pidge laugh too. It's not even a matter of seconds before everyone else is laughing too, and for a second, everything's normal.

When everyone has calmed down, Shiro places a comforting, dad-like arm on her shoulder in a comforting, almost parent-like gesture. She breaks down in front of him, her eyes filling with painful tears. Shiro pulls a concerned face, and wraps two warm, consoling arms round her. She buries her head in the crook of his elbow, finally allowing herself to sob openly. Someone's hands run through her hair gently, and someone else's are patting her on the back, but she isn't really sure who is doing what – all she can think about his how _lucky_ she is to have such great friends here.

This isn't home. The ship isn't where she belongs. It isn't where anyone belongs.

But, for now, it'll do.

* * *

Hmu on Tumblr if you want yesgay-briel. I'd love to chat.

I thought that Pidge would definitely be missing her family, especially based on that one episode. So I wanted to explore the feelings she'd have based on that.

I'd love it if you'd review, tell me what you thought.


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